Divided We Stand

Truth be told.

2012-01-12T17:21:00.001+08:00

I cannot keep up with this act anymore.

2011-12-06T08:11:00.000+08:00

So many things has happened. I don't even know if we deserved it. Like seriously screw this okay. I don't even know who's fault is it this time right. It's not as simple as pushing the blame to the usual troublemakers. It could be that maybe he never wanted to meet new people. Maybe all this time he just wanted to see you after not seeing you for the past 2 months. I mean it's just a simple guy with a simple request. What's so hard about fulfilling it.. I'm not saying anyone is to blame. If things do make a turn for the worst, that's it. I'm done.

Strong on Twitter, weak on Blogger.

2011-11-01T22:29:00.000+08:00

Always putting on a strong front on Twitter, cursing cursing cursing. Now I'm feeling very tired. Tomorrow wake up at 6am. ._. At least that's that for this week. And Monday is a holiday! 8D

sighs. I'd swear, being attached is very blissful. But then again once you're attached you see many singles that are free. Oh well. There're people who dies alone. Not a lot, but still got quite a small handful. Wonder what would happen if I told my parents there's no way in hell I'd get a partner. Haha. Wth. This is so low self esteem.

95% of the time I put on a mask and befriend peoples. never loved to their eternal friend, as nothing lasts forever. and i can't take that feeling of seperation again. i'd rather be hated than missed. 10:30pm. i guess i better sleep soon. else tmr both eyes cfm sore red.

tata.

2011-10-18T20:56:00.001+08:00

very cui please. ppl is the want 3 years to pass by peacefully you knnccb come fuck up ppl life . wtf zzz. seriously 999% fake friends.

Junction 8 working summary

2011-09-12T22:54:00.001+08:00

Sometimes I can feel damn pissed that I want to cry.

It's like... On the first day of work I dreaded going to work. Because I really don't think I can get out of bed on time...

But as soon as the last three days approaches... I began to enjoy the work. I mean, I get to converse with the people around me, and I get to meet new friends. Vellu, Clement, Donavan, Wen Jie, Rachel and her mom. They are seriously wonderful people. I don't mind working with them or even near them. I mean just this morning I woke up realising I don't need to cause there's no work anymore.

I really don't know why I'm feeling like this. Wonderful people they are. And they are a fun bunch too considering the short amount of time we had together.

Of course ultimately at the end of the day I realised that my secondary school ain't so nice so say once I realised that both girls either came from Roysth or Tanjong Katong. -_-.

It feels weird conversing with students from such school you know.

Well, at least it ain't awkward before I knew. And I realised I didn't use any vulgarities except for the Good Wood Park Hotel staff. Those assholes! haha!

But seriously speaking, they completed my two weeks. No questions asked. Yes it may be tiring for the two weeks but, I enjoyed it.

I'm sure all of them did too.

Long Jiang and Good Wood part-time FTW!

P.S.: Clement and Rachel : Clement jiayous!

Colour Quiz

2011-09-12T22:40:00.000+08:00

Your Existing Situation

"Is sensitive and easily influenced by other's thoughts and emotions. Looking for friendly, easy-going relationships and jobs that help develop them."

Your Stress Sources

"Demands to be noticed by others as an important individual, needs attention and recognition. His current situation is leaving him dissatisfied. He feels he needs to make friends with those who hold the same high standards he does. Wants to stand out as someone at the top of his class and be admired by others. He needs to feel in control which makes it difficult to give of himself to another person. He feels isolated and alone but refuses to appear weak and continues to be emotionally distant from others in order to keep his attitude of superiority. "

Your Restrained Characteristics

"Emotionally withdrawn, feels forced to make compromises which makes emotional attachments difficult."

Open and emotionally involved in relationships and easily finds satisfaction through sexual activity.

"Emotionally withdrawn, feels forced to make compromises which makes emotional attachments difficult."

Your Desired Objective

"Is very intense person who seeks excitement and sexual stimulation. Wants others to see him as an exciting and interesting person, who is also charming and can easily influence others. Uses his charm to increase his chances of success and gain other people's trust."

Your Actual Problem

"Enjoys making new plans and goals, but needs to be respected and admired for the things he accomplishes."

Your Actual Problem #2

Is afraid he will be held back from obtaining the things he wants leading him to act out with a hectic intensity.

2011-08-22T22:56:00.000+08:00

I don't know.

Sometimes, I don't know how to make new friends. Most of the time they make the initiative to become friends with me. But I always shove them away because I feel it's better.

Yes, there are couple of them whom I befriended myself because I feel that they are really nice people. But most of the time, I always have been thinking, what are their thoughts about me? So sometimes, I felt that it's better being the cold asshole that everyone hates. Life's easier this way too... You don't need to worry about anything at all... Nothing...

Isn't is a better choice than to try to figure out what the rest are thinking about me? But I'm no Squall... This isn't who I am... I am not some leader who leads mercenaries into battles with the sorceress of the future... I'm just me... No one else. I'm just saying that besides my working friends and cousins, I'm not sure if I had been myself for the most of the time.

Someone, please, I beg you... Save me..

Similar friends

2011-08-20T10:36:00.000+08:00

Ever since last year when I started working with Lei Seng and co., I always hoped that it wouldn't Deja vu, for whenever I see her, I see my best friend. I would think of not taking the tough way up, and instead building up the friendship like I did 2 years ago would be sufficient... However things weren't the case, instead my best friend hated her... And I didn't know why. I always thought people of similar personalities will get along very well... But I guess it didn't. As of now, I'm currently pretty good with my colleague side... But I've lost the person most dear to me.

Tears. Always coming at the wrong time. Why. I don't like this. Guys crying over female friends... Why....

2011-08-15T00:44:00.001+08:00

So what if the whole world stands against you. I shall be with you no matter what.

2011-08-14T23:25:00.000+08:00

Squall shaped me into what I am today - not to rely too much on friends. After all they are pretty much like mercenaries. After a moment of association they suddenly disappear. So what's the point of getting to know them and later suffer the consequence of feeling lonely again.

Why...?

2011-08-14T22:51:00.000+08:00

I somewhat regret introducing Final Fantasy games to Vernesa... Sighs. If Dissidia never appeared, if Wesley never had a PSP, none of this could have happen. Sighs. I really don't know what to do anymore. I have no one to confide to anymore. I don't want to confide in Vernesa as she has a boyfriend. Please don't get me wrong but it's really more of a psychological thing. It's something that happens but no logical explanation at all. What can I do? What? Sighs. I really want to make a clean break as soon as possible so I can really end the torment. Not just for me but for the sake d everyone. Hiu hang is somewhat out so i oguess it's my turn? Time is inevitably lost. Time waits for no one either. What one can do is to treasure every second given and make every moment count. I just hope it will end. I've said m piece knowing no one will read it, and that makes much more secure...

I wish somewhat can teach me what to do now... Wesley? He's also busy... I want back the secondary school version of my friends. But like they said, "time is inevitably lost, whether you like it or not, is totally not up to you to decide".

No turning point.

2011-08-13T12:55:00.000+08:00

Karma has finally caught up to me. Torturing me. Losing both groups of friends ultimately. Because I once despised Wesley. And now it's my turn. But I won't complain. I shall endure it like a man. I caused myself to lose someone dear to me. But there's no turning back now. Never ever.

2011-08-13T00:39:00.001+08:00

In the en the blog is still the best place to rant.

2011-08-12T00:59:00.000+08:00

Stupid woman.

2011-08-03T22:10:00.000+08:00

I actually promised myself not to even mention about this woman because I felt kinda happy that my Facebook maplestory started to load because it really doesn't want to be obedient at times. Well, now that the hype is over, I decide to rant about her.

I mean like, I can fucking tell that the woman isn't a local. A typical Singaporean won't go queue by seeing the Townlink bus dropping its commuters nearby. Singaporeans usually rush to the bus when they see the bus just stopping by to pick up the commuters . Otherwise they stand outside the queue and wait for whichever bus that arrives first ( in the interchange of course). And then me being lazy, I just waited for the 293 and went in. Then this fucking woman wanted to come out of the queue AFTER going in when the bus was actually fetching the West Loop commuters. The only thing I can say to you is, "HAHA RETARD". And then after that this woman obviously seem pissed because after 28 and 29 left, the 293 finally came. We boarded the bus and the woman fucking stared at me like I owed her something. Like I wasted her time because 293 came the last among the 3( Don't fool me because the route that the East Loop 293 go are only 28 and 29). So, obviously the woman received a phone call from a friend and then she is late. And then later she spoke in a tone that I can hear quite clearly from behind, (one seat behind her) that she was in a bad mood and is consumed with anger. You fucking blame ME for wasting your time? Fuck. You never hear of saying "Excuse me I want to get out of the queue." before? I sure will let you go. Not like I'm gonna slaughter you or rape you for inconveniencing myself. Then rant somemore to your friend somemore saying my fault? Eh you got problem just come find me la hor. Rant rant rant. Pcb. Who care you bad mood/late or not siah. Knn.

Disclaimer: I don't hate China people. I'm fine with the two China ladies in my class. I respect Premier Wen Jia Bao. However I detest people like you. Sadly most of them come from China thus we detest them. People like you, fuck off from Singapore. People like you who don't have the brains obviously don't have any studying qualifications. Okay, maybe you do. But you fail at having the most basic courtesy.

/end

2011-05-27T21:09:00.002+08:00

WHY MY DAY SO SUCK. WHY MY WEEK SO SUCK. I WANT TO FUUCKING ENJOY THE WEEKENDS BUT THE FUCKING CHAIN OF MIS-FORTUNATE EVENTS JUST KEEP ON COMING NON STOP CCB.

2009/2010

2011-05-25T00:00:00.000+08:00

Back then, I wished I had new friends. Now, not at all.

I want back my friends. I feel so effing left out when I'm with my poly friends. Idkk la. I just feel like an extra. Ccb ttm la. I cannot communicate well.
Now I'm just stuck in between, worst off than having no friends.

Now I can't even solve a fucking easy maths problem. Wtf seriously. -_-

Selfish.

2011-05-16T20:46:00.000+08:00

No matter how much people call me kind, big hearted, nice, or whatever positive traits possible out there, they never knew how selfish I can be.

No, not with the food, okay, maybe a little.

But that's not my point.

I'm selfish.

I want you to myself, but I can't make myself not to.

Somehow I find myself binded to it, and I can't break me, despite struggling non-stop.

I've been struggling to break free ever since from the start of Sec 4.
I knew from the day when I played maple back then that this day will come. But nobody believed me.
But then I also believe that every current happenings are due to us humans. Our actions caused everything to happen.
Now in Poly 1, I feel better. I made friends who are awesomely high on Ecstasy like playing Monopoly Deal. But sometimes my mind can't help but to wander back to the past. Those laughters I've made were so familiar, and I remembered where did all it came from.
I want myself to become a new me. I no longer want to be binded by my past, making me unable to carve out a new identity for myself in Polytechnic. I want to ensure that I forget all of you cleanly without anymore problem. I will ensure that, nostalgia is no longer what I will think about. I will ensure that, I will lead a better life in Poly. I will no longer hurt myself with such tactless tactics anymore.

Release me.

2011-05-14T22:20:00.000+08:00

I've always thought some of girls were different, some girls were friendly towards the likes of me. But in the end, it turned out none of them are true. Well, I curse you.

2011-05-12T00:19:00.000+08:00

Secondary school friends ignore me, poly friends ignore me. So pathetic.

2011-05-08T22:49:00.003+08:00

So many jokes I wanna crack, so many pranks I wanna pull, so many things I wanna share, but I can't, knowing that, we can't be Best Friends, anymore.

2011-04-27T23:41:00.000+08:00

IT'S SO FUCKING OBVIOUS MAN. YOU MERELY USED US AS A FUCKING CARPET.

MY FRIENDS SAID, LOSING CONNECTION? CALL THEM OUT TO HANG OUT LIKE OLD TIMES.

FINE. WE TRIED. ALL DON'T WANT GO OUT, THEN HOW?

FRIEND: MEANS FORGET IT, THEY DON'T WANT ANYTHING TO DO WITH YOU ANYMORE.

Thursday

2011-04-27T21:20:00.002+08:00

Thursday is the second most fcuked up day besides FRYDAY.

10 am to 6 pm.
Jeezus.
It's okay uhh, the courses aren't that bad. 2 hrs physics? 2 hrs maths? 2hrs programming techniques and 1 hr digital electronics. It's okay! Tmr bring laptop :\

Nanyang Polytechnic

2011-04-22T01:32:00.000+08:00

No school. Good Friday. Omg. Imagine have to go school siah, only got less than 5hours to sleep...

Seriously dk what to do.

I can't believe it, I'm making new friends. I really feel envious. Xin Jie and Matthew still contact their secondary school friends even up till now. Me? I don't.

Perhaps this friendship thing applies the same thing to the magnet conductivity rule. The shorter the time taken to magnetise the magnet, the faster the magnet loses its conductivity.

Well, I saw Elvira today. Jesus, really look like Raina. -___________-

Anyways, kinda surprised, iSS is in charge of the cleaning in my school. Dang, how to wear shirt? hahas, Maybe it's okay, no logo also.

From now on, I would believe whatever my mouth tells me. The only thing I could do is look through my blog archives to see what foolish stuff I had placed there. Pfff, what everlastingggg friendship. I couldn't even hold 5 years. At least I have new friends to keep my mind off. That's the only thing I could do now.

Or perhaps we were just used as a door mat to keep our feet dry from the 2 boring years. I would have thought that the 2 years, 2009/2010 would be the best years of my life, but oh boy am I wrong.

MVS C# - 77% -__-

Sighh, what can I do. Now have to rely on own money to poly. I hope Lei Seng will call me out for work, and then I could hopefully rope in Wesley back with no problems. My bug, Chan Minh in law. AT least I would have known what would be going on roughly in Business Law.

Never mind, like what Hiu Hang said; continue walking forward, and no regrets.

Like what Wesley said, nothing last forever.

I'm probably hurt, and will never be able to become optimistic ever again....

Why still stuck at 77% -_-

EC1126.

2011-04-18T19:21:00.000+08:00

That's my class. And I'm the class rep. It's okay. I'll try to shape it after how Vernesa, my secondary school chairman did it.
At least today, we are in union in terms of emotions; laugh together, shuddup together etc.
Okay, I met a new pal today. Pretty awesomee, but I won't hold much thought of it.
Primary school - 6 years
Secondary school - 4/5 years
Tertiary education - 2/3 years.
Our times of being together just gets cut shorter and shorter.

You can't blame me for being cold when you stopped messaging. Okay fine maybe it's true to everyone. Only I'm the one overreacting.
But this is it. I've foreseen it just didn't know how to deal with it. Now I do.

Fantasy is over as a group.

2011-04-08T17:11:00.001+08:00

I'd probably need something to relieve.

2011-04-07T22:12:00.001+08:00

I'm backing out of this friendship. Quittin'

2011-04-07T21:32:00.000+08:00

After much personal researching, I've finally concluded.
We are all much better off with our lower secondary friends. Honestly.

I get along with Jing Cong with not much of a hiccup.

2011-04-07T19:37:00.000+08:00

I don't know why like that ley.
I hate myself for all these but I can't seem to control it.
Someone got to help me.

I'm leading a miserable life.

2011-04-05T19:29:00.000+08:00

One should not be too optimistic in life.
What if one day, something bad happens?
And no matter how great your optimism is, it will not be able to fully convince you.
That would be the time when, you break down totally.
You've been standing on a ground that you thought it was there.
But in fact, it wasn't. It was never there.
I seriously don't know why.
Am I actually no longer of any worth?
Is that why I'm treated how I am today?
Come to think of it, only more unhappy thoughts comes flowing through my mind.
Then, I remember my work.
Yeah, that's the only time when I can smile always.
Where I wouldn't see you.
Where I wouldn't think about you.
Sure there were some hiccups, but I managed to solve it.
But this problem has been dragging on for too long.
Have I changed?
Or are you the one who have changed?
Maybe, I have finally lost that place.
The place that was starting to wobble since e zone.
And gradually lost balance, throwing me off.

But it's okay.
Everything, shall, soon, be, over.
By November, I hope I can change my phone number, so you can jolly well fuuck off.

Sigh..........

Disappointment, Sadness, Galore.

2011-04-04T22:24:00.002+08:00

I'd prefer to be left alone now. Thank you =)

The holidays draw to a close.

2011-04-04T14:56:00.000+08:00

Finally, the 4 months holiday is coming to an end.
It's kind of torturous, living with someone who is on a verge of a communication breakdown.
I won't expect it to last all the way to my birthday.
Soon it may become Old Best Friend.
Then my attitude will turn us into enemies.
I'm feeling pretty darned confused.
Heck, I could do without them no matter how much I said otherwise.
Oh well, finally.
The torture is ending.
I'm so looking forward to bond with new friends, and hopefully, permanent ones.

Separation.

2011-04-01T18:42:00.001+08:00

School's about to reopen, and it's kind of unbelievable.
The three of us, separated.
This time round, we aren't going to be in any same place ever.

I can't control my movements, nor my actions. But somehow, it's going to lead me into another stage. It's separating me from my loved ones (besides family).
I didn't feel a kick in Primary School after Graduation Night. I just felt that I was there for the sake of being there. Truth be told, I never really had true friends then, so you could tell that I was more than relieved that I am leaving the school.
When I went into Secondary School, the only person I knew there was my brother, and Jingyi. Hahas, I could still remember back then, I was extremely shocked to see her there. I thought to myself that it will be another 4 years of torment, but things took a better change.
Other than that, I don't suppose that I knew anyone else there...
Secondary 1 ~ 2: I befriended Jing Cong in camp. It was an awesome time. I hated camps, but I knew I must get used to it. I found out that both of us shared a really awesome common interest: Anime. And that's how I met my first friend in Secondary School. We got on pretty well, and still better on in first part of Secondary 3 when we were separated into different class. Again, our communications dropped after onwards when we met the rest of our own Sec 3 classmates.
Secondary 3 ~ 4: I thought I would be another loner in that class, since the only people I know there ARE classmates from my lower secondary class: Eric, Aidil, Jonathan. Haha, I thought I will never ever study again. But of course, it didn't happen. It is just not my attitude. Then, I met the then friend Wesley, my first Secondary 3 friend. Of course we would start asking each other about our lower secondary class lives, and apparently he told me that he didn't like his 1/208 class. He told me he was an outcast. Oh well, at least I still have Jing Cong back then. Soon, I began to make friends with the already-friends Yan Yu, Hiu Hang, Shirley, Vernesa. A smile finally came when I realized that I've made so many friends of the same class. Further on in Secondary 4, friction had appeared, and Yan Yu left us. However, I became closer friends with Hiu Hang and Vernesa. I'm not afraid to be honest; I was jealous/envious of Hiu Hang and Vernesa's good friendship. Of course, that cost us our friendship very dearly too. I'm really blessed to have such a forgiving friend like Hiu Hang, despite all the things I've done. Now the most honest thing I've ever written on my blog ever, I HAD (notice the PAST tense used here) a crush on Vernesa (just a slight one). Wesley has warned me about letting my feelings let loose, but I ignored. I paid a price for it. Vernesa is my first best female friend. And as the saying goes, (and kind of proved it in The Sims) BFFs rarely turns into BGRs. But that's not the main point here. The main thing is that it's impossible. Nothing good will happen. Naturally, Hiu Hang did too. But we are afraid of this feeling. Y'know? It's like Husband and Wife without any romance. It hurts really a lot. But finally, when exams came, we didn't think much about it. So gradually, it went away (: After O's, we are separated for good this time. I probably need someone to slap me awake, or even better, erase all these wondrous memories. Because, I know it deep down me, after I go into another school, I will communicate less with my old friends (maybe the exception for Hiu Hang, but who knows, he might be the same as me.)

My greatest fear... to be separated, is coming true.
---
Oh yeah, just to add on, I probably have a few wishes for my few wonderful friends.
Cassandra
-> Wow, I didn't know that many of your friends knew my existence, or at least when you told them. Haha, that probably would have proven much that we are really good friends=) Honestly, I got to thank your sister, else I wouldn't have known such a wonderful and joyous fella. All the best for the upcoming SYF~ Win win win!
Hiu Hang
-> You uh. Hurhur. Never mind, you like Bao Ren to me; brother. No matter where you go; TP,RP,NP,NYP,SP,ITE,Uni,MI, I will always be your friend. Haha, there were ups and downs in our friendship, and I still remembered them. Still, my apologies for those =) and don't sad already. Don't give up a field just for a strand of grass. Okay?
Wesley
-> Don't have much to say to you. May you rot in hell.
Shirley
-> Haha, my mandarin tutor and ghost-pedia. Pretty awesome ley you. But so long never talk to you le. How lehy? All the best okay? ^^
Vernesa
-> Hi first female bestie. It was tough but I've finally overcame it. Truth be told, you really gave me a lot of troubles xD but still, it doesn't make me feel angry at all! Those troubles were worth it (well most of it). And it's probably because of that then we are what we are today. T09 lehy. Happy lehy. Tell you go befriend my colleague also don't want lehy. Haha...

2011-03-12T21:35:00.000+08:00

Do it slowly & nicely. . . That's right. It's time to break away (:
Outgrow your friends now~

2011-03-05T22:06:00.000+08:00

You who told me all kind of stories.
You who told me the ugly sides of humanity.
You who convinced me that eternal is possible.

Actually inflicted all sorts of injuries on me.
And caused me hurt times and times again.
I hate you.
Get out of my life this instant.

Relation over Friend.

2011-02-18T21:32:00.000+08:00

Sigh, my phone, as dead as the silent night.
Just let me find romance, and I'll let go of everything I have.
Work, friends, family.

I just need a friend, whom I can rely on 24/7.
Someone worthy of my trust, care, concern.
Is there any one out there?

Your existence is the gift of the goddess towards me.

Utter confusion.

2011-02-16T12:01:00.000+08:00

I feel pretty darned confused right now.
Sigh.
Someone please help me.
Maybe I should play Crisis Core.
Sigh

2011-01-23T20:14:00.002+08:00

I've lost my position as a person whom you can pour your troubles to, or maybe I was never in that position in that first place.

Admiration

2011-01-22T23:07:00.000+08:00

Sometimes, I really am envious of guys who have lots of girls liking him.
I mean like, the guy has so many choices to choose from, and maybe, some have fallen too deeply in love with him.

I mean, I've never ever gotten to taste that before, all those past experiences were fake.
I really am envious.
I really hope I can experience that one day.
Haiz.

Lack of Sleep.

2011-01-16T22:38:00.000+08:00

Omg, not having enough sleep for the past 3 days, GOD.

I was so exhausted today that I fell asleep on the bus way back, sorry Ning~ my head keep hitting your shoulders LOL~.
Anyways, glad that the three days are finally over.
First day - Chua (Sp?) Chu Kang.
Second Day - Boon Lay (Military Institute)
Third Day - Boon Lay (Second Chin Bee Road)

Kinda far don't you think?
Only going home at 11pm :\
Luckily the third day I reached home by six, wahhaa.

I have to. . . :\
Looking forward to Duodecim, thinking of downloading/buying the Japanese version straightaway~!
Ciao.

2011-01-12T08:54:00.001+08:00

I just got to find my own permanent best friend now.

2011-01-11T10:44:00.000+08:00

I'm sorry if my words have hurt you.

I'm sorry if I had made you angry.

I'm feeling even more apologetic if you felt that those words are directed at you, for they are not.

I'm sorry.

I just need a place to quieten down, a place where I can place my sorrows, and not hurting you.

Saying all those without saying it to you, has only one reason.

I don't feel like pressurizing you, it isn't worth it.

If you really read this blog post, I hope you'll understand.

Thank you.

Mixed feelings.

2011-01-10T20:48:00.000+08:00

Today, I went back to EV to collect my results, well I barely made into poly.
I don't feel sad, nor happy.

The thing that I treasure most is coming to an end.
How foolish I had been.

Honest Truth.

2010-12-25T23:45:00.000+08:00

The reason why I can post everything here, is because I know there isn't anyone looking at it.
I can have a virtual storage of past events without worrying it may get lost.

Now to what I'm about to say.
It's totally over.
Everything is finished.
A new start, a brand new beginning.
Like as if the past 4 years have skipped me to O's straight.

No point reminiscing the past.
It only hurts you more than it would when you stop thinking about it.

Of course, it wouldn't hurt much to say that, God gave me a bunch of good friends in Secondary School. Sure, there may be a bunch of faggots along the way but still, most of them are good. I might had been manipulated once, but that serves as a lesson to me.
God may have tried to give me good friends in Secondary School to make up for the lack of it in Primary School, but I guess it's all to late.
Some of them just fits in better with their Primary School mates since they have met since a young age. Well I don't blame them for it, while some just want to forget their Secondary School life and go on to their working life.

Honestly speaking, who else can I blame except for myself? It's no one's fault.
Living in the past is definitely not a good thing, as it provides nothing but illusions.
I've learnt to accept the present and move on during the one week off, with my cousin's help of course.
Aha, okay then.

Just. Gone.

2010-12-19T00:23:00.000+08:00

Tomorrow, I will leave Singapore.
And I shall be gone. =)
For that period of time,
So much for trying to leave without a word.
Well I'm sure this year is gonna be way different from last year, or rather any other times when I'm leaving for overseas.
Have I finally removed the burden that has been holding me back?
Have I not summoned all of the courage within me?
Will I ever be satisfied this way?
The burdens, or rather, the worries, have all been removed.
Hiu Hang - Gone to HK and don't know when coming back.
Cassandra/Vernesa - Occupied with Pangya.
Wesley - Occupied with work.

Yep, They are all occupied. That's good.
-out-

2010-12-15T01:25:00.003+08:00

Just pretend I've never met you. It seriously benefits both sides.

Sadness

2010-12-09T09:32:00.000+08:00

I have no choice but to contain this feeling within my blog.
For the past four years, everything had been nothing.
All was nothing but an illusion.

In the end, I'm left with nothing.
I don't really expect people to read this, but that's good.
No one should read this.
The more I think about it the worse I feel.
Maybe it's time to move on.
Maybe it's time to let go.

Yeah. . . Letting go.

Bite your teeth through it all.

2010-12-06T21:16:00.001+08:00

Bear with it. . .
Something unexpected, but yeah.
Just bear with it. . .

Zzz.

2010-12-02T08:16:00.000+08:00

Yesterday was the worst day.
It made me wonder whether I am of any use at all.
I couldn't do anything at all.
I wanted to help so much,
Yet there's nothing I could do.
The only one thing I could do was to pray to God.
Whether it helped or not, I didn't know.

No tears came out no matter how hard I tried.
Am I as unfeeling as I proclaimed?
Or maybe perhaps blood is thicker than water.

It's really a shame though, and I thought I could be more feeling a little.
Turns out it remained the same.
Looks like it is time to submit, to surrender.

I'm nothing more than a hassle.
Hmph.

Why?

2010-11-16T12:31:00.000+08:00

God. . . Why are you playing such a cruel joke on me?
Is it really not fated for me to make a friendship ring?
Why must you curse me with such an illness?
What wrong did I do?
First it was my 'birthday' celebration.

No one sang for me once.
Despite my friends trying to be there, it still didn't work out.
God. . . I hate you!

Inferiority?

2010-11-15T11:22:00.000+08:00

Of course luhh. *anti climatic - thinking of some stuff and some thing just went banging*
Anyway, of course luhh, money really makes the world go round. Without it, what can you do?
I don't think you can do anything.
No wonder they say: Blood is thicker than water.
Jealousy? Maybe.
What else can I do?
Making every use of you, and then kicking you to one side once you become useless.
Come to think of it, I haven't had breakfast.
No wonder.
Perhaps it is true that people are closer to their kins than to their friends, though it is untrue for me.
I'm closer to my friends, but I can't say the same thing for them.
It's just frustrating.
Maybe, I am envious of that person for having so many people caring for him/her.
And when I looked at myself, I find that, there's no one here.

That friend of mine has so many people around him/her caring for him/her.

Yes, perhaps maybe it just wasn't meant to be. God is just toying with me.
Well, okay God. I will do what you want me to do.
Flunk my O's and reset.

End of everything. Judgement Day.

2010-11-09T12:26:00.000+08:00

Finally, the event that has been haunting us for 4 years is coming to an end.
Soon, everything will be relieved of all of us.
We will finally find happiness within ourselves.
We shall find peace.
We shall no longer have to endure those tears that we've been holding back on.
We shall no longer have to conceal the feelings that we have for that someone.
We shall no longer have to endure those people who treat us unfairly.
We shall no longer have to set an alarm to wake ourselves up for those ten/eleven years.
We shall smile.
We shall overcome this final war.
We will be bestowed eternal rest.
That one day that we come back for next year.

Is the day that we shall confess all.

Reset.

2010-11-06T22:22:00.000+08:00

I've just thought of something.

I wondered, if everything I have know, is a blessing, or a curse?

Maybe to another person, it seems like a blessing. But is it really the case?

I've been used to the loneliness every since Primary One.

I had no friends, and followed a strict schedule everyday.

Go school, study, come home, sleep, dinner.

It wasn't really the ideal schedule if you are someone who needs friends.

Come to think of it, will someone like me ever need them?

Or rather, I may just be a hindrance.

Those moments we've spent for a year and 11months now. Are they all just illusions that misled all of us? Were we never part of this eternity?

Who knows?

Maybe, I've been deceived; deceived so much that I no longer can differentiate between lies and truths.

Maybe it's just deja vu for Primary Six.

I don't wanna return back to that horrible life... I don't wanna... It's just too unbearable... Please...

All these while was just an illusion... Yet it seemed so perfect that it can be envied.

But I wished I wasn't part of this syndicate. It's just not me.

Too much comparisons between me and my elder brother. Yeah, being the middle child ain't easy feat.

Be it in academic results or looks, I lose. I admit it.

Low self esteem.

No one gives a hoot or nickel about it.

This is just how it should be.

I shouldn't force this upon myself.

If it isn't meant to be, might as well return to the lone traveller like I'm already am.

It benefits me and refrain me from harming those people who thought that they can care for me.

If I perish from existence, will anyone shed tears?

I don't know. But I hope not. If I could, I wished I could just irritate the hell outta everyone and made sure that they are so pissed with me that they ain't gonna give a damn.

Then, when I perish, it is all worthwhile...

Torn apart.

2010-11-04T09:43:00.000+08:00

As a friend, you'd help to fulfill his dream.
Even if it means having one less common interest.
I was totally speechless.
Totally had no idea what was going through my head when I taught you the game.
When I realized that you actually preferred returning to your own hobby.
I don't blame you for that, in fact, I encourage you.

Whatever it is, I will try my best to fulfill your desires, either through appeasement or force.

2010-10-27T00:25:00.001+08:00

In the process of changing blogskin :D

Sacrifice or Compromise?

2010-10-01T13:33:00.000+08:00

I keep asking this question.
Am I doing the right thing?
This is somehow the only place I can lash out my anger at.
Someone that will not talk back whenever I say something...

I mean seriously. I'm not complaining... But, this is my personality. I think too much. Just as how many people may get jealous, so can I.
Ever since that person whom compared that you're closer to me, I sense that he's trying to break us up... I don't really mind it... But must it really come to this?
You don't see it... Because many people 在巴结你。This is the problem... If you only had known... if you only had known...

Silent cries for help.

2010-09-27T18:16:00.000+08:00

Sometimes, you just feel like letting it all out.
You don't wanna continue this life of yours anymore...
As time goes by, you feel that you no longer feel special to that person...
You lost your value to that person, and you know it clearly.
You wanna cry, but sometimes, you know you aren't in the worst state, since someone else is in a worse state compared to you.
You lost that past, never to be regained.

Then you know... you feel better when you are in a place that no one knows you... Perhaps that is what I am built for... perhaps.

Decisions

2010-09-26T12:01:00.000+08:00

Decisions - What are they?
They are 2 or more possible routes that we can take that affects our lives. In some cases, once made, you can never return in case you took the wrong route.
How has decisions affected me?
Definitely, decisions will affect every single person. Be it you being a girl or a guy, poor or wealthy, or even ugly and beautiful.
However, the points that I mentioned above, are what you are born with. You definitely cannot decide your appearances after birth, as that is something even your parents cannot control.
So, how did decisions affected me?

For starters, I did something foolish in primary school, and everything became complicated xP
Then, I went on to secondary school, where I met Colin, Jing Cong at lower secondary, we were the nerds that time. wakkakakaa.
However unfortunately, Colin went to Junyuan at Sec 2 and Jing Cong and me separated at Sec 3.
I stepped into the classroom, everything was unfamiliar to me. I didn't know who were they. The person I probably talked to was Jonathan and Zhiqing, who were my Sec 2 classmates. Then I knew Sherri, but I really didn't talk to her.
That was how it ended for the first week of Sec 3.
Then comes the Sec 3 camp. I was already bored of camps. Wakaka. Then I think I met Wesley there didn't I? We became friends, and waha! We are buds now.
Of course, I met more friends later before June kicked in.
Once Hassanul or Zikri didn't turn up for lessons, I would immediately shift to sit with Wesley; talk to him.
Then in front of him is the then and now class chairman; Vernesa.

Oh yeah, I remembered telling myself to work harder at Sec 3 and hopefully no ass girls will top the class again - it has been happening since Sec 1.
When Mdm Nisha told us our top scorer, I knew it wasn't me. LOL.
It was a girl.
I hated it.
I still remembered that the proportion of girls and boys were very imbalanced.
32 pupils.
8 girls
24 boys.
And yet a girl still topped our class.
SHIT.
(Okay why am I sidetracking myself from the title...)
Anyways, after knowing Vernesa, I knew the rest of the class such as Yan Yu, Hiu Hang and Shirley.
When there is class bonding, epicness follows.
So among us (Wesley, Yan Yu, Hiu Hang, Vernesa, Shirley) there are always dramas.
Such as "I DON'T FRIEND YOU, GO AWAY"
Or even emo speeches such as "I think my presence was not needed." *tsk tsk*

I thought that this friendship wouldn't be a strong one.
I thought that this friendship was just an empty shell.
I thought that this friendship will not last till the end of Secondary 3.
I thought that this friendship will die.
I thought that this friendship never had existed.
I thought wrong.

In fact, our friendship bond got even stronger.

Honestly speaking, I really had trouble adapting to 2 girls as my friends.
There are RULES on it.
There are many things that you shouldn't do.
There are many things that you should do.
There are many things that you shouldn't say.

Just like how a guy shouldn't visit a girl's house (ALONE).
and vice versa.
And after that horrendous primary school experience, you realised that you should just SHUT UP before things get out of hand right?
Whether your feelings that had developed for your bestie, you know that it's like using paper to cover a raging fire. 俗话说: 纸是包不住火的.
Thus, sooner or later, you know that you should let the person know, BUT, know where you stand.
-In order not to be disappointed, just don't expect him/her to say yes-

'Cause I'm telling you, Best friends can never turn Couples.
I know it doesn't make sense to some, but this is true.
Once relationship kicks in, friendship is lost.
I mean seriously, you don't talk to your soulmate about school work eh?
Don't get offended by this sentence though, I know that this does not apply to a minority.
But some are just not as lucky as them eh?

Dead End.

2010-09-24T23:21:00.000+08:00

There are times when I'm just left with no options. I seriously don't know what to do...
I mean... There's actually nothing wrong with it, but it's my extreme imagination who caused me so much trouble.
I don't like this 'automated' power, it's irritating. I wished it was gone. I wished it never existed within me. I wished, I could resume being how I was a few years back.

That is the me who had no problems socializing with any one.
Probably it was my involvement that caused my downfall.
I have only myself to blame for my current state.

Got back maths now 44/80
Not bad now. Hiu Hang flunked, Vernesa got 49/80.
*remembers Vernesa's sentence*
Since our marks is one grade away, I suppose we can help each other :D
Alright, hope paper 2 won't be too bad.
Believe, Joshua, believe.

老毛病

2010-09-24T15:26:00.000+08:00

I know.
I still have this.
Thus, I just shut up before I make things worse than it already is.

Why can't this fffffuuuckckckckckckckckcken thing just go away from me?
It's not something to be proud of.
It's something that will cost me dearly; good friends.
FFFFUUCUCKCKCKCKCCK it.
I hate this stupid disease of mine.
Just go away.
Before I do something silly to end it all.

Prelims Paper Check - Day One

2010-09-23T13:52:00.000+08:00

So today we had to check our prelim papers, so far we've gotten back our Physics, SS(SBQ) and Chemistry.

Physics sucked. Well, thanks to both Mr Koh and Mr Cheah. I mean seriously mans, HUMANS AREN'T PERFECT. WE ERR.
Because of them, I flunked physics. How great is that?
Seriously, so what if Ramadhan spit a chewing gum out, I know as a teacher, you will be pissed and angry. But what's done is done. It isn't WISE to pick it up after it went all the way to ground floor. This is unreasonable!

My SS SBQ apparently got better 13/25. Yeah, it isn't all that good, but still. . .
I hope I will do better. My SBQ has always been in top condition, even Mr Foo praised me.
Well, for Chemistry, it was wayyyyy better. 43/65. Yes, it isn't THAT good, but to me, Chemistry has never allowed me to get up this high. 43 is seriously an achievement. YEAH.
Hopefully. . . Maths. . .
Haiz.

Demoralized.

2010-09-16T21:20:00.000+08:00

Haiz.
Mr Wee just came and told us Hiu Hang, Vernesa's and mine.

HiuHang flunked.
Vernesa did well.
I did so-so.

I was like...
Damn it.
I don't know how to explain this feeling out...
But I just feel... demoralized.

Plus on top the fact that Vernesa and me have been doing math together all this time... I was expecting the both of us to do fairly well.
Well, I didn't.
She improved, while I just ...

I'm not hating on her or anything. I feel like crying. I feel like shouting out loud. I hated this feeling a lot.
Haiz... It's just like, the more I study, the worse I get.

I feel like giving up.
I don't feel doing it anymore.
I just want to let go.
Just let me be...

Shitted.

2010-09-14T22:53:00.000+08:00

I'm shitted for art, and I mean it. Tomorrow's like the deadline, and I'm like just staring at it.
This is bad, real bad.

Anyways, a recap for today alright?
So it was Night Study, and I assume it is going to continue till around the end of the prelims, or even extended all the way till O's ends desho?

So yeah, time to get to the point. I seriously don't have any problems with that, AND I just wanna type it out so that I can remember it.

A and B and me.

Alright, so A, B and me are always using the same route home. The usual ones.
And THIS B likes A. But I don't say much about it. I don't make a big fuss about it.

Imagine this. 293 desho? The east loop. At Blk 496, there's two stops. He chose to take the one that will loop back which will cost him more, all for A.

Wow. Nice huh. I'm not making a big fuss about it. So don't worry.

If you like her, just tell her. Isn't it better? I mean, I don't know why, but PLEASE, stop making me look as if I'm some kinda weirdo down there.
I don't mind leaving A for B.
This is how it is.
Even if A claims that she's closer to me compared to B, he still comes in. So no.

How about this, you may not have any intentions, but it offends me.
You've never treated me as a friend.
So what if Heidi and Duncan and A are same mates? Must you talk about D&T?
Are you trying to make me look like an outcast?

I'd rather you SHUT THE FUCK UP than even say it.
Seriously, I don't abuse what is given to me. I don't use this close friendship with A to push you away from her.
No no, SHUT UP. YOU NEED TO FUCKING PLAN YOUR PRIORITIES RIGHT. I'M BETTING YOU WILL 'WAIT' FOR ME TO COME.
WELL GUESS WHAT? YOU NEVER HAD THIS INTENTION. JUST BECAUSE A IS COMING TO SCHOOL WITH ME FOR TOMORROW, MUST YOU SERIOUSLY WAIT? I MEAN FUCK.

I DON'T FUCKING SEE YOU WAITING FOR ME EVERYDAY. FUCKING JUST GO WAIT FOR HER. I DON'T CARE. DON'T MAKE IT SOUND AS IF YOU ARE SOME NOBLE THAT RESPECT ALL. SERIOUSLY, I CAN DO MUCH BETTER THAN YOU.

Sometimes, I really regret being the go between for both of you during the era. I know sooner or later you guys will patch things up. I don't know what is this dude. Seriously.

DON'T BE FRIENDS WITH ME. I'M SERIOUS. YOU ARE JUST AN ANNOYING FAG WHO DOESN'T SHUT THE FUCK UP.
SERIOUS, IF YOU WANNA GO HOME, JUST FUCKING GO. YOU WANNA PLAY WITH YOUR DOG, GO. SERIOUSLY, YOU ARE ANNOYING THE SHIT OUT OF ME. DON'T SAY THINGS THAT WILL NEVER HAPPEN.
IF YOU AREN'T STAYING FOR THE NIGHT STUDY, JUST GO.

I KNOW I AM IN NO POSITION TO SAY THIS, BUT YOU WILL NEVER WIN A'S HEART. I WON'T, SO DON'T EVEN THINK OF REBUTTING. IN FACT I'M NOT IN THE LEAST INTERESTED.
SO FUCK OFF, I DON'T CARE YOU BASTARD..

Time Machine

2010-09-08T23:59:00.000+08:00

I knew it had happened during the time when I was reluctant to go to January camp, but I still got to say it.

It's all very typical drama quote when someone does something that disappointed a person and he said : I'm so disappointed in you.

My mom said it to me when I kept protesting. Well, it hit me bad.

After reflecting on my own personality, I realised that I am half mom and half dad. I'm normally like my mom until when something triggers me off.
Well, my dad is extremely scary.
I don't wanna be him.
I wanna be a guy whom everyone can look up to me as a friend.
Come to think of it, I never had friends at primary school.
Now, I have friends like Wesley, Vernesa and Hiu Hang. =)
I appreciate them a lot. Seriously.
Whether I have to thank my mom for this or not, but still.

Relationships? Tsk, do I even deserve it?
Having friends like them is enough. I don't ask for anything more. They are all that I ask for.
My friends?
Well, I'm sure they definitely want to look for their partners who are roaming somewhere on this earth.
Whatever it is, they will definitely respect my decision. I'm sure they will.

So, until then, I will always be there for them when they need me.

Popular Female Friend

2010-09-05T17:49:00.000+08:00

You are a glee. You are on close ties with a girl who is kinda popular and loved by all.
You have that feel in the past. But ever since then you have been controlling it.
You try not to break the friendship with one another by forcing yourself out of any activities done by the both of you alone.
However the irony is that when another person comes in you start getting aggressive.
You're contradicting yourself.
You fall out with that girl, but regretted afterwards.
You patch it up a few hours later.
You start dancing.

Today, the skies are clear. I am sure tomorrow will be a better day.

Worn out.

2010-09-05T01:19:00.000+08:00

Today is pretty tiring.
I actually killed a friend.

I mean like, it's just a DotA game. Why get so worked up?
Not like you die one time need pay $20 like that. So why am I shouting at Vernesa who has lesser experience than me?
Okay, so like she DIED, But so what? Not like she died in real life or something.

This is silly. Especially that DotA match. Our friendship turned sour and then this gotta happen. Just perfect.
Time again, I realise that I try not to bombard her with e=mc2 information into her head. Which newbie will ever understand the meaning of hero g or anything?

So if I could do that, why can't I just think like her? Do I know that I am just pressurizing her by shouting at every single mistake she makes?
This sucks. Joshua, you really should GTFO.

Anyways, I'm sorry. *gives a 90degree bow*

Tired.

2010-08-31T23:57:00.002+08:00

I can't except this kind of life. Others call this running away from reality. But I call this saddening.

You're cold blooded if you tell me that it's okay to lose friends whom you have forge ties with for 2 ~ 4 years. The bond is definitely there. And if given a choice, I think that childhood friends are the best.

Well, whether this signifies the end of our friendship at the end of the year, I don't think anyone cares.

Well, I hope we will meet again soon, sometime.

Sayonara.

Unreasonable

2010-08-28T15:40:00.000+08:00

This is unreasonable. Despite the things I do for you, you still treat me as a tool.

Come to think of it, I was like this in the past. You're just the reflection of my past.

We don't complain, doesn't means that we are okay with it. I mean seriously, who would want to make more enemies when you can be friends?

Come to think of it, what goes around, comes around.

We may hate you, but it goes away in matter of days.

What Duncan liked : Not everything is okay with an apology.

I agree to a certain extent. If it happens the first time, WE can understand this.
Unfortunately, this isn't the case.
Because of our kind hearts, we are being made used of.

This will be the last time I'm gonna be so kind. Be it if you're as close to me like Hiu Hang or Vernesa, or even like Jing Heng, none will be spared.

*End of post*

Take a look back.

2010-08-22T01:07:00.000+08:00

Inspired by Vernesa's essay, I decided to write about my Secondary School life as well :)

Primary Six - Secondary One
I totally didn't study for my PSLE. I did a bit of reading, that's all. Aggregate? 204.
My FT for P6 told it it was not bad, I could have gotten better, but still. If I studied a little harder, I could get good results for the O's in Secondary Four.

Secondary One - Secondary Two
During the camp, I made a new friend, Tee Jing Cong JYPS :D 104. Come to think of it, I was very frustrated when I am going to miss my daily anime - Inuyasha + Get Backers!.

During one of our activities, we were supposed to run around the cone. He fell.

After the campfire, I spoke to him first, asking whether did he watch anime. To my delight, he did :))
We became friends that time, and of course, we met Colin TNPS, who sat beside me during the Secondary One days. We were so mad over Duel Masters that time. Ah, so awesome...
Then comes the SA2. I didn't study for it, and I flunked. Though my English passed, I didn't get an overall pass. Thus, I get advanced to Secondary Two.

Secondary Two - Secondary Three (Streaming Year)
This year was the year that we are going to be split into different class after this. Colin left the school to JYSS, but we still kept in contact. JC and me are still friends. There were many hillarious moments then, ah, nostalgia.

Secondary Two was the worst year, you had to take many subjects as exams. English, Maths, Science, D&T, Home Econs, Geography, History, Literature, Mother Tongue. I'm sure there's more, but this is what I remember at the moment.
Of course, I totally flunked it after this. Only passed English and Home Econs.
Advanced to Secondary Three.

Secondary Three to Secondary Four

By now, I had very low morale, being advanced twice in a row. I made up my mind to study for that year.
Of course, it didn't last long. Didn't really make friends with the Upper Secs at camp.
Soon, I met Wesley. Became good friends with him.
Understood his family background, and emphatized with him.
March Holiday - E learning.
For Term One, Madam Nisha announced the top student in our class - Vernesa.

"Damn, a girl again." That was what I thought to myself.
I hated her, I swear to be against her.
Now we are Umma and Ttal.
Pretty weird huh ?
Well, I began begging her for answer during E learning day. I didn't wanna attempt the questions. I thought I could manipulate her. I thought I could control her, guess I was wrong.
Soon, I began moving forward to sit with Wesley at end of Term One ~ Term Two. I got Vernesa's email, so that I could ask her for answers.
At Term Two, I had no intentions to talk to Vernesa, but she kept talking to me, and insisted that I was the one who wanted to make friends with her :O

Well, soon, we were so retarded that this story, The Five Knights came about; Hiu Hang, Joshua, Vernesa, Wesley, Yan Yu.

Past: Hiu Hang's an asshole. That's the best term to describe him.
Now: Still as sickening as before, but I guess he has became better. He just need to change that poor attitude of his. You know what I mean.

Past: Vernesa is a bitch who got top in our class. Fuucccckkkk you~~!
Now: Became very close with one another. We are now Umma and Ttal related.

Past: Wesley is okay, not bad. Well, my impression of him never changed I guess.

Past: Yan Yu is good with IT. :D:D

P.s: I'm gonna fail at writing at testimonials.

Anyways, at Friday, I went to the D&T room. I saw Yan Yu sitting there alone. Whenever I saw him looking here, he will always shake his head.

I wonder what happened to the olden times.

Though now it's more of a Me + Hiu Hang + Shirley + Vernesa thing, I don't know whether we will be the closest bunch in EV ever, because I don't think so.

Vernesa's with her ba jie meis, and Shirley's with Aly and friends. Well, Hiu Hang is with Guo Wang and I am with Wesley?

Whenever I see JC now, I'm always frightened. Is this going to happen to us once we graduate again?

Well, we will never know.

Secondary Three - Secondary Four
Advanced again =_=. Very pissed. Remember went out on several occasions with Eric, Irwin and Cassandra & Vernesa.

I hate being advanced. I'm not gonna retain. I'm sure of it,

Well, just gotten my Chinese. C6. Not gonna retake, while English oral is just one day away. Gotta practice!

Left out.

2010-08-20T16:07:00.000+08:00

I know it isn't true... But, it's just so hard being friends with people who doesn't study the same subjects as you. All but you. You will feel left out. It's a kind of feeling that I acknowledge its existence but still, it lingers within me.

I want it gone. But I can only do it the hard way.

My life isn't pathetic. It's just that, you can't stop it from happening. I dun want it to happen, but I can't prevent it.

I just wish that this envious feeling will end. It's tearing me apart, literally.

2010-08-18T21:26:00.002+08:00

Verdict? C6.
Not good, but for my standard, a pass is actually good enough.
I'm gonna work hard now, just like Bao Ren. And congratulations to Vernesa for her A2! (: You earned it.
C6 ain't good, and I'm not intending to retake it, seeing how time can kill me. The time used for revising Chinese can be spent on my other subjects.
English – pretty weak in it based on SA1. Need to brush up – capable of scoring an A or B if I work on it.
Maths – Able to get a B in the least. Need to spot my errors.
Chem/Phy – Physics is okay, but need to brush up on those topics that I’m unsure on.
Humanities – SS – Idk, but keep failing no matter what I do D: History – spam on essays, essays, and essays. Surely can. (:
Art – I can’t make it in this, but I’ll try still (:
I can make it, but I just didn't put in the effort! I will strive~!

Tired.

2010-08-15T21:58:00.000+08:00

So long since I last posted, since my birthday?

So, it's a black Friday. The most epic day ever :D

August 2010 is VERY epic, since it's a compilation of NDP, YOG, Ramadan Month, Lunar Ghost Festival and the only month in this year with Black Friday aka Friday the thirteenth.

So, I felt that it is another Little Busters scenario where I made choices in that day.

Hiu Hang, Vernesa and I were supposed to head to Bedok to collect the signature album at 2pm, but something happened, and dragged the meeting to 5pm.

So, Cassandra called me, asking me to head over to Changi Airport with her.

Of course, it was all in vain, but I won't emphasize on the situation over there.

Hiu Hang CLAIMS to be neutral, but something makes me unsure about his claim.

He claims to like 4minute, but when there was an opportunity to catch them face to face, he'd rather choose to stick with Vernesa. I won't jump to any conclusions now, because it's baseless.

I had this decision:

Stick to Vernesa

Follow Cassandra

If I had chosen the other, would the outcome be different? I was worried for 'siao eh', though I don't know why. I knew I'm gonna get physically hurt, but I still went ahead. I didn't plan to see 4minute, for I wasn't that much of a fan...

But, if I chosen to stick to Vernesa, would had those lower sec fellas laughed at her? It was a total outrage to find out that Hiu Hang didn't know anything about it.

Well, whatever the outcome, what's done is done. And I believe I had not made the wrong decision.

Trust your instincts.

Birthday

2010-06-26T23:24:00.000+08:00

Today is probably a very special day for me...

Oh well...

Can't believe it's 30mins more till its all over...
I tried to cry today by watching a very sad show/anime. It was supposedly to be touching... but I didn't feel a single thing. Many said they cried, but I didn't. The show is about a bunch of deeply bonded people graduating from the school - and their graduation means no longer seeing each other. The representative gave a speech, and they finally left.

Have I lost my humanity? I don't even shed tears for even such stuff... What is it with me eh? I proved today to be normal day like anything else. Just one year closer to dying. That's all. Useless, horrible, Disgusted.

Little Busters - Kudo's End.

2010-06-20T18:24:00.000+08:00

It's just... too sad.
Kudo's end... The tale of two lovers... who are separated.
While one is in Russia, the other is in Japan...

It all began... when Kudo came to a Japanese High School where Riki (male protagonist), first met her.

Being 1/4 Japanese, Kudo had some difficulties. Riki was very helpful in aiding her. Soon, their feelings began to develop.

However, only a few days after they are an official couple... Kudo began to feel sick. Soon, they realised that weird spots began to form on her body. She was later contacted by a man who gave a plane ticket back to Russia to receive treatment.

Riki was unaware of the situation until Kyosuke (leader of the Little Busters), informed him about it. Riki immediately rushed to her room after that... Russia was in a state, civil wars everywhere... It was definitely not a place for Kudo to be in...

As Kudo was confused too... she asked Riki for his opinion... *note: the player can choose to let her return to Russia or persuade her to stay at this instance*

I chose to let her return.

After Riki told her about his opinion, Kudo was of course in despair. She told him that she was reluctant in leaving because she feared that she will never see Riki again... Thus, Riki began to explain his decision. "Before making this decision, I did consider your feelings... However, I feel that your life is more important than loving me. Don't you think so? If you lose your life here, I will never forgive myself and live the rest of my life in regret and guilt."

Upon hearing that, Kudo asked, "If I leave for Russia, will you be willing to wait for me till I return?"
"Yes." It was a definite answer. It was not due to any rash acts whatsoever.

Tears began to emerge from Kudo's eyes, but she said, "I'm glad... I can leave for Russia in peace now..."

Teary-moments... blah blah blah. You know, those sad times. hehe.

After that, the two lovebirds communicated through messages via phone... Those are short though... Soon, Riki received a phone call from Kudo to save her. Her voice was all muffled, and she was begging Riki to rescue her.

Then, the line got cut off the next moment.

2010-06-20T10:31:00.000+08:00

You are just... 6 days away...
Isn't that awesome?
Haha...
What a time it's gonna be.
The cake ...
Will anyone know what I am talking about?
No... It's only gibberish.

Awesome Lyrics

2010-06-17T15:48:00.000+08:00

Aoi Tada - Brave Song

I was always walking alone; when I looked back, everyone was far away
Nevertheless, I walked on; that was my strength
I'm not afraid of anything anymore, or so I whisper to show you
Someday, people will be alone and only live on within memories
So that I can even love and laugh at loneliness, I'll fight
I won't show my tears

I was always walking alone; a cliff was waiting for me at my destination
Nevertheless, I walked on for the proof of my strength
A strong wind blows against me, my shirt sticks to me with sweat
If I end up being able to forget it someday, then living- It's just a simple thing
If I fall into the yonder of oblivion, that's running away, right?
Even the meaning of having lived will vanish, right?

The wind soon calmed down, my sweat dried, too
And I felt hungry; did something happen, hm?
A nice scent came along with lively voices

I was always walking alone; everyone was waiting for me

Someday, people will be alone and only live on within memories
Even so, that's okay; I call my peaceful feelings 'friends'
Someday, I'll forget the days I spent with everyone and be living elsewhere
By then, I won't be strong anymore
I'll shed tears with the weakness of an ordinary girl/emo-guy

This paragraph is awesome.

Countdown to the Sixteenth.

2010-06-17T15:46:00.000+08:00

9 more days...
It is surprising how the human brain works eh? I can actually remember MOST of my friends' birthdate, but this skill can't be used academically.

Ahaa... Nine days to Sixteenth. Apparently no one asked about it. That's kinda awesome =)
No, let's NOT emo here.
Now... Laziness will kill. I believe this thing now. I am having the whole house to myself since morning. God. Now I feel sleepy... Currently aiding Colin with his stuff... Haha... Let's hope for the best then.

Even if something BIG is gonna happen nine days from now, it may only kill me. Knowing it will be the first... and last.

Well, I have been preparing for this have I? Told myself multiple times to try not to get to involved.... But still...

Not that I wished for this... but guess how many primary school mates have I kept in contact with? NONE.

So... in order not to deja vu this pain again, I really want to let go....
Pains me to see how all of my friends are trying their best... It's our last year after all...

Aoi Tada - Brave Song (My source of motivation, the song that keeps me going.)

Devotion.

2010-06-15T14:35:00.000+08:00

You got it. Devotion.

Today is the start of hell which I volunteered to do so. My family are away for the next 6/7 days. So it's only me... I guess. What should I do?

Now, it's time to put my responsibility to the test. From this week, I can tell myself whether I have the ability to cope alone.

I hope I can...

Anyways... there's this girl I wanna apologise for. You know this is for you... For you are now sleeping on my bed! Since you are on my bed... I'd better type this out now... Yeah, it's not a long period. A fun 3months or so. I would like to thank you, for all the things you helped me with. Be it my maple, or personal problems. You were the best childhood friend I ever had. It's my luck that I met you. If you are reading this, yes, this is a breakup post(direct much?), and all I want to say is, even though you have been trying to make things up to me by apologising to me profusely, I can't carry on like this. You deserve someone WAY better than me. Plus, it's one year away from your O's. You should concentrate on your studies! Don't be a failure like me! Now, I struggle to grasp the topics I am learning now... Do not follow my foolish path. This is not how it should be. I wish you all the best, and concentrate on your Sec 3 topics well. It is important. Trust me. Someday, somehow, if God permits so, we will cross paths once again.

Second LIfe.

2010-06-11T18:06:00.001+08:00

No... This is not about the game... It happened to me... I was almost killed today... Well I hope no one gives a damn about it... but oh well...

I was walking the usual path home... and many thoughts came into my mind... I became very preoccupied with it... and soon, the surrondings became oblivious to me... Man Kit shouted something outside the D&T room... and it made me hopping mad.

It wasn't a really big deal... But imagine you have been keeping the emotions in check... but this fella just shouted it somewhere the person you once liked could hear... it just didn't make me feel good. Having a headache now...

Anyways, I was blasting my music, so I didn't notice the incoming car. It almost hit me, but I escaped unhurt, at the expense of my phone. Splendid. Both my phone and sim card are gone... But oh well...

The driver didn't shout at me. Miracle... Instead he asked me if anything was wrong. WEIRD. He could tell I was having problenms... But yeah...

He offered to repair my phone... but I refused. Now that my phone's a goner... Heck it. I could had died in that accident... But God gave me a new life. Now, I will have to live it.

Start afresh, Joshua. Make no regrets this time round...

Taste of defeat.

2010-06-04T22:23:00.000+08:00

Even though this does not affect me in anyway... but still...
Today, I tasted the defeat.

In the past, I couldn't understand why Super Junior is so hot even in Singapore... but after today, I understand every single thing on it.

Now that neither Vernesa nor Cassandra got it, it just made me useless. It isn't a waste of money, $18 only, big deal.

But... I really secretly wished I could get it for them...

"If God permits you to enter the concert, you will get it on your first try."

This was what Vernesa told me... Irwin and Eric came to Bishan too, but we weren't much of any help too... It just adds greater disappointment into us.

Now that my secrets just goes, I can never trust anyone again.

GOD! WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE THIS FATE? I HATE YOU. YOU SHOULD FUCKING DISAPPEAR FROM THIS WORLD. KILL ME IF YOU WANT, I DON'T CARE ANYMORE. I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING, AND I PRAYED TO YOU. AND HERE YOU ARE, TORMENTING ME. KILL ME. TAKE ME AWAY. FAGGOT.

2010-05-25T21:25:00.000+08:00

L - Lasting
O - Obsessed
V - vulnerable
E - eternal/eternity

Please protect me, :)

Disgusted

2010-05-21T23:25:00.000+08:00

Why am I the only one suffering from such a horrid fate? Why can't anyone understand me? This is not how I wanted it to be. But like what Jaineeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee has just told me, "When it is time to let go, you let." luckily she didn't say that to me.

Deception; not an unusual sight anymore

2010-05-18T21:03:00.000+08:00

I've been deceived, deceived, and deceived again. When will this stop? Or must I do this personally? Taking advantage of my kindness... pff.... Why don't you just disappear from this planet. I don't need you. And I can see you that you don't need me either. Stop regarding me as a 'friend' for the sake of increasing your friend count in facebook. I shall block you; ignore you.

This is seriously not the worst that has happen to me so far, but fuck care though.

2010-05-15T13:37:00.003+08:00

**************Written By: Joshua Ong**************

I do not claim credits for any part the characters marked with an asterisk,, the characters and materials used belong to their own respective owners.
**********************************************************

Chapter One: Depart, Otonashi

A blurry vision came into Otonashi’s sight. “Otonashi! Run before they get you!” a girl called out to him. She was being held by two tall and strong men who were wearing balaclavas on their heads.
Otonashi leapt on his feet, and began running. He began to pant vigorously but that did not make him stop running. He could still sense the man chasing after him.
Otonashi ran into a cross junction point, and alas! A car was driving by couldn’t swerve away in time and hit Otonashi, sending him flying a few distance ahead. The driver quickly called the ambulance.
The man who was chasing after Otonashi looked at him, “And I told you not to escape...” and left the scene.
Soon, crowds gathered around Otonashi, and paramedics that were present declared him dead on the spot.

“Ack!” Otonashi woke out quite suddenly. He was lying flat on the ground, and was thinking of the past. “I don’t remember anything... Where am I?”

“So you have woken up.” A voice said.

Otonashi sat up, and saw a girl with a rifle pointing to the auditorium of the stadium.
“Ermm-” Otonashi was about to ask.
“Welcome to the ‘Like-hell-I’m-dead Warfront.” The girl said with a warm welcome.

Otonashi was confused. “Huh?” was all he could reply.
“This is the Afterlife. If you are here, it means only one thing.” The girl said. “You are dead.”

Otonashi stoned. “Wha-“

“Yes, I understand. You are confused. You think I am messing with you just because you just had amnesia.” The girl said.

Otonashi was surprised. That girl knew everything he wanted to say!
“Err, so-“

“Yeah, you are really dead. Stop asking.” She replied, still not looking at him.

“This girl is getting on my nerves.” Otonashi thought. “Er-“

“I know this may sound very sudden, but will you enlist with us?” the girl asked.

“Enlist? To where?” Otonashi asked.

“Enlist to the Like-hell-I’m-dead-Warfront.” She answered.

“Whatever for?” Otonashi asked again.

“Oh well, let me just say it all at once. You will enlist with the Like-hell-I’m-dead Warfront, and we have one enemy, Angel. She is currently ruling the entire school. However! We have mass recruited many people to join and fight alongside with us! I believe we can take her down with our strength!” the girl said in one shot.

“Angel? Who is this Angel you speak of?” Otonashi asked again.

“Ah! Timely arrival.” The girl signalled Otonashi to come beside her, and pointed to the middle of the auditorium. It was an innocent-looking girl walking around, looking about.
“Are you going to tell me that decent-looking girl is Angel?” Otonashi asked, very suspicious of the girl.
The girl sighed. “What’s wrong now?”

“You tell me. I would probably buy it if you told me that you were Angel. That girl is so decent-looking.”

She was offended. “So you are trying to tell me that I’m not decent-looking?”

Otonashi shook his head. “For someone who carries a gun to aim at that girl, yeah.”

“Did you just contradict yourself?” she asked.

“Heard of sarcasm?” Otonashi asked.

*Chilly wind blows*

“Anyways, let me go talk to her.” Otonashi suggested.
Yurippe gave a huge reaction. “Huh? Are you an idiot? Do you want to die?”
“Well, how’s that for a joke?” she added. “That was considered a joke since we can’t die here. Well, was it funny?”

“Putting your jokes aside-”

“Yurippe!” another guy called out.
“Turns out her name is Yurippe.” Otonashi thought.
“What’s the matter, Hinata?” she asked.
“Well, we got our recruits ready and we are ready for Operation Toronado.”

“Wait, you guys stop here alright, it isn’t Toronado, it’s Tornado!” Otonashi said, correcting Hinata’s pronunciation.

“*blatantly ignores* Alright, we still have this guy to settle with.” Yurippe explained to HInata.
“You dare ignore me?” Otonashi questioned.

“Fine!” Otonashi said. “I shall join Angel!”

Yurippe and Hinata gave him the stare, “Go ahead.”

With that, Otonashi went to approach Angel.

“Er, good evening. Someone’s pointing a gun at you and they said you were some kind of Angel.” Otonashi said, trying to clear his mind.

“I’m not an angel.”

“Knew it, they were-“

“I’m the Student Council President.”

Otonashi nodded, “Ah, I’ve been tricked. I have to cure my idiocracy somehow. I know, I shall visit a hospital.”

“You can’t visit one here.” The President said.
“Huh? Why not?” Otonashi asked.
“Because there isn’t one here.” She answered. “No one fall sick here.”
“Augh...” Otonashi gulped.

“No one falls sick in this world. For everyone is dead.” The president continued.

Otonashi stared at her. “So you are part of this too right? Alright. I got it. You must be responsible for my amnesia too right? I get it now!” Otonashi said, and stomped off.

“Guard Skill: Hand Sonic” was what Otonashi heard.
He got jolted the next moment, and saw a blade piercing through his body, and he fainted.

“Ack!” Otonashi woke up again. This time however, he was in the infirmary ward. He remembered Angel piercing through his body, and tried finding that wound, however, nothing was even there. It was as if he was never stabbed before.

“Augh, I gotta get out of this place. How could one not die once going through that painful pain?”
He then noticed the shirt he was wearing covered with blood; his blood. Otonashi freaked out and hurried out of the ward. “Gotta find an adult soon. This school is crazy!” was what he thought.

However, before Otonashi could leave the ward, he was stopped by a purple-haired guy wielding a halberd. “So you are the guy...” he said softly.

“Ugh..” Otonashi decided not to take the hard approach to communicate with him. “You are?”

The guy pointed his huge halberd at Otonashi. “For someone who dares to disgrace Yurippe, do not have the rights to know my name, Noda!”

“Idiot. You just said it yourself.” Otonashi said.

“Oh, anyways...” Noda said, as he dashed towards Otonashi and sliced him 100 times rapidly.

Noda rested his halberd on his shoulders and said, “We will have another dance if you disgrace Yurippe again. And it would be ten times of hundred which adds up to...”

*thinks*

“Whatever, you know the sum yourself, so you’d watch out.” And Noda left the ward, leaving Otonashi in a pool of blood.

*a few minutes later*

Otonashi regained consciousness, “ARGH. Damn it! It’s too late to fight back.” His clothes were shredded into hundred pieces from Noda’s attack.
Otonashi realises that he was still in one piece. “That hurts... But I don’t die... What is the world coming to?!”
“First you wake up behind a girl holding a gun pointing at a decent girl. And then the decent girl backstabbed you, and then you get chopped up into hundred pieces by an idiot who swings his weapon around like some kind of dumbass.”
Otonashi quickly got up, and went to look for the adults. “If this is a school, there should be teachers too! Yeah, I should find them!”

To his dismay, he couldn’t find a single adult in the school; he decided to look for the Principal. He was glad to find the office. “Maybe the principal might know what’s going on.”
Otonashi turned the door knob, and saw a hammer dropping from the ceiling and swinging towards him. It hit Otonashi and he went flying out of the window.

“I know! How about You-are-gonna-to-die Warfront!” one suggested.
“No no. It sounds like we are going to get killed.” Yurippe said.
“I’m talking about the girl. Not us.” He rebutted.
“Okay, how about this, You-are-gonna-die Warfront.” Yurippe replied.
“Augh. It sounds like I’m gonna die.”

“How about this, Flashback Warfront!” another suggested.
“No no, that only happens before you die.” Yurippe replied.
“I’m-gonna-kill-you Warfront then?” another suggested.
“I’m gonna kick you.” Yurippe answered. “Oh wait, that guy has woken up.”

Everyone stared at Otonashi, and studied him carefully. “He has the potential.” A guy with spectacles said, propping it every now and then.
“I met him earlier, and I suppose that he knows of any good name for our Warfront?” Yurippe asked.
“Do-whatever-you-want Warfront.” Otonashi replied.

One of the guys picked a club and said, “You got some nerves to talk back to our Yurippe eh?”
“I said, Do whatever you want.” Otonashi said.
“That’s it.” He replied.
“Hold it, he just got here, don’t bully him like that.” Yurippe said.
“Yeah, and I’m getting the hell outta here.” Otonashi replied.
The guy who studied Otonashi was surprised. “You wanna get erased? Even when you are here, breathing?”
“Yeah.”
“You don’t wanna stay at this place?”
“Yeah.”
“You don’t mind turning into a water flea when you reincarnate?”
“Yeah-. What?”
“Looks like you are not very smart. You think only souls reside in human bodies?”
“How shallow-minded.” A girl said, who was standing at a far corner from the rest.
“You may turn into a barnacle and get eaten for all you know!” he continued.
“Eaten?” Otonashi was shocked.

“Whoa, Barnacles can be eaten?” one asked.
“Yeah.”
“And I didn’t even know what barnacles were.” Hinata said.
“How shallow-minded.” The girl said again.

“Alright alright... Stop bullying him already, we, the ... where are we again?” Yurippe asked.
“Barnacle Warfront.”
“Right. We the Barnacle-“
*kicks*
“We are changing it back to the Afterlife Warfront!” Yurippe said.
“T-that was a good kick.” The guy said who had a shoe mark on his face.

“Well, will you join us in the struggle against Angel?” Yurippe asked, putting out her hand. Otonashi was about to agree to it when the Principal door slammed open and Noda was gonna slice Otonashi. “W-wait, Yuri-“ and the hammer activated and sent Noda flying out of the window as well.

“What an idiot, he fell for his own trap.” Hinata sighed.

“Well, this is the Anti-Angel Headquarters, there aren’t any other places we can carry out our discussions without being compromised. You will need a password to get in here.” Yurippe explained.

“Can you... let me think about it?” Otonashi requested.
“Sure, so long as you do it somewhere else.” Yurippe answered.
“Ugh... I can’t get out of this place.” Otonashi thought.
“Alright! What’s the password?” Otonashi agreed.

Yurippe shook his hands and answered, “No Gods, No Buddha, No Angels.”
“Since you are a part of us now, you deserve to know us. I’m Yuri. People call me Yurippe. Up to you. That guy is Hinata. He may be a good strategist in our Warfront, but he can be a slob at times.”

“Aha-! H-hold it! That doesn’t make me look good at all!” Hinata complained.
“That’s Matsushita.” pointing to a guy who is 2 times the size of Yuri herself. “We call him Matsushita 5th Dan out of respect.”

“Nice to meet you.” Otonashi said.
“Nice to meet you too.” Matsushita replied.

Yurippe pointed to the red haired guy who is half the size of Matsushita, “That’s Oyama, he specialises in nothing, but he is the role model of a well-behaved student.”

Oyama laughed. “Nice to meet you.”
“Same here.” Otonashi replied.

“Moving on, the guy who was sent flying by a hammer is Noda. And the girl who keeps saying ‘How shallow-minded’ is Shiina-san. The guy who threatened you is Fujimaku, and she is Iwasawa, the lead vocalist of our diversionary squad, Girls Dead Monster.”

“Nice to meet you guys!” Otonashi said.

“Come on let’s dance!” a westerner appeared with a bandana over his eyes.
“I don’t do dancing...”
“Don’t be afraid.” He replied.

“That’s TK. That’s his way of saying Hello.” Yuri explained.
“You are okay with working with people like that?”

“Lastly, Takamatsu. He is the guy who studied you and he keeps propping his glasses to look smart. But he is an idiot in reality.”

“Oh god.” Otonashi said.

“That reminds me, what’s your name?” Yuri asked.
“Ot-Oto-Otonashi.” Otonashi replied.
“Given name?” Yuri asked.
“Yuzuru... I think?”

“Alright. With Otonashi, we shall commence our first operation.” Yuri announced.
“It shall be: Operation Tornado”
Oyama started panicking, while Matsushita starts to look very serious. “That’s a big one. You sure, Yurippe?”
“Positive.”

To-be-continued.

2010-05-13T11:15:00.002+08:00

Returning to secluded life.

-Demolished confidence

2010-04-30T19:14:00.000+08:00

Perhaps it's just me.
And you gotta break my confidence when my exams have just started.
You never see this as a relationship do you?
You never ever even talked to me do you?
You just feel that I am a thorn on your back right?
Good.

2010-04-24T15:17:00.000+08:00

1. Can Yan Yu be bad influence?
- No.
2. Have you dreamt of Sze Hui before?
- No.
3. Would you open a mystery gift Vernesa just gave you, without much hesitation?
- No.
4. How did you meet Vicky?
- Mother Tongue Class :D
5. Who's Hiu Hang dating?
- Some fella in RydahMS called Cupcake.
6. If Darren and Jing Cong teamed up, what would they most likely accomplish?
- Best Basketball Team!
7. Jing Cong is actually Guo Wang in disguise, you know.
- o.O
8. Can Duncan be bad influence?
- No.
9. Who is Benjamin's best friend?
- Hiu Hang.
10. What would you do if Guo Wang and Darren were going out?
- Nothing.

Unable to forget.

2010-04-02T09:10:00.000+08:00

I must be mad.
Seriously.
Luckily, i had friends who didn't psyched me out at the last moment...
Sometimes I wished I could just die.
I feel so redundant.
Useless.
I mean, what's the point of living if you do not serve a purpose in this world?
Just by picking a few, I can infer that I am totally useless.
Jaina has been ignoring me, and I could be considered as a love expert or so, but then... She is the only girl that I could not read her mind through...
Sian...

2010-03-19T22:01:00.000+08:00

It is always sad that some people are blessed with good looks, while some are blessed with the brains, and some in extreme cases, both.
Those blessed with the looks, in my experience, can be classified under 2 catergories.
- Those who abuse it
- Those who can't help it.
Normally, people who are jealous of their looks are jealous and hate their fortunate genes. Those who couldn't help it are just simply helpless. I know NO one would want to be borned out deformed whatsoever. However, some are blessed with the attractive looks. When many of the opposite sex are attracted to them, but they show no interest in them, (in other words, rejection) they tend to hate those good looking people for ever, and do you think those good looking people did anything wrong? No! This is what everyone of us will do, regardless of our looks. Just because one is pretty or handsome does not deprieve them of rejecting the opposite sex right?

Yes, I know I am in no rights to speak of this matter, but think of it, as you progress down the Career Path, you will have to frequently step into the shoes of the rest, be it ugly or good looking.

Though in our young days we normally classify ourselves as the Good Looks and the Ugly Ducks, but these will soon change. When you proceed on to Universities or so, this childish mindset will finally change. It will be rather the Capable and Non-capable.
So, everyone is borned to be ugly and good looking, but no one is borned capable or non-capable. This is something we can change, something we, as human beings, can do. Whether we are ugly or not, the fact remains unchanged that we are not incapable. Whether we want to change it, lies in our own hands. Work out your future, everyone in Singapore are borned with equal chances, regardless of family background. No one in Singapore is the more abled.

2010-03-19T21:48:00.002+08:00

There's a gala dinner tomorrow night. Don't know want to go anot. But then never hand up consent form. Let's see who are my UG mates :D

-Derrick
-Anthony
-Jun Jie
-Guo Wang
-Hiu Hang
-Louis

Anymore? o_O i forgot siol. I know got these people.

2010-03-18T08:19:00.000+08:00

LOL. Bibi finally give miie his bloggie account :)
Tofujosh, SO CUTE. :)
Bi g0 0ut buy miie things.
N0w i at his house worx :)
he sae he going out wif fwens later worx :(

But its okays~ Bi will miss miiex!
And so will i! xD

-Friend, or Foe?

2010-03-17T17:41:00.002+08:00

I love it whenever my brother brings back a holy book called 'Teenage'. Okay, maybe it isn't holy, but hey, it is wonderful. I got so engrossed into the Reality Bites section - I don't know why do I get engrossed into this NOT SO interesting section.
Anyways, in the world of 'friends', according to teenage, we divide them into various catergories.

Best Friends Forever (BFF)

The Soul Mate is a friend who is so perfect for you, they almost seemed heaven-sent! They know when you are happy and sad, even when you don't say a word. Hanging around always brings you comfort as they just know how to make you feel good about being yourself. Such a friend is rare to be found but when found, stay by your side forever.

While The Loyal Comrade may not always see eye to eye with you, they are friends who can become as close to you as a brother or sister. That's because they always have your back. They will defend you when others try to bully you, and will always be by your side when you need help. But don't betray their trust because they can easily turn into your worst enemy.

The Get-Along Friend is probably someone who sits next beside you during class or at tuition. They are nice people who are easy to be around. However, you have so little in common that it makes it difficult to develop your friendship any further. The only thing that you share is probably the close proximity. Nevertheless, they are good to you and you like having them around.

The Hi-Bye Friend is an acquaintance. Perhaps you were briefly introduced to them by friends, or have sat next to them a few times during assembly. Whenever you pass by them in school corridors, you would wave to each other as a friendly gesture. However, you know nothing about except which class they are from and what
you may have heard from other friends.

The Royal Pain is someone who always bosses you around and insists on having everything done his or her way. This doesn't mean that they are bad friends, as they can be very loyal and helpful. However, they could be the way they are because they are generally oblivious to most people's feelings. If you don't tell them how you feel, you'd never get the chance to do the things you want to.

Ever wondered why the secrets you tell your friends never seem to stay amongst them? That's because you have a gossip in your group! The Gossip is someone who can't seem to keep his/her mouth shut, especially when it comes to bad news about you. They may try to pretend to be a concerned confidante to try and get you to spill the beans. But before you know it, the entire school seems to know about your business! You don't necessarily have to relinquish your friendship with them. Just make sure you keep your secrets to yourself!

The Leech is probably one of the worst kinds of friends to have around. In fact, they shouldn't even be considered friends. They are people who take advantage of your generosity, and will never help you when you most need it. When you are no longer of any use to them, they will toss you aside and look for a new "friend" to exploit.

Talk To You Never (TTYN)

Attached & Happy :D

2010-03-17T10:48:00.000+08:00

Wee~ Initially, I think those people who goes into a relationship are fags. Serious. But now, WOOHOO. I am so happy now~

Too bad she doesn't have any forms of communications. She doesn't have a phone, a blog or a computer!!!! AHHH~!

Only left snail mail!
It's okay. So long as she's happy, I am happy :D
WEEE~~

Why?

2010-03-14T12:03:00.000+08:00

Grr...
Why must this happen?
Why can't you just disappear from my life?
Why must you make me suffer?
Why am I just changing to suit your every needs?
Why can't you just tell me that you never treated me as a friend?
Why are you always like this?

Everything became clear to me now. I know who are my friends and who are just defects. The world would be a better place without you.

Popularity Matters?

2010-03-13T10:15:00.000+08:00

"Josh, the people you have been mixing with isn't worth your time..." one said to me.
"Who is that do you speak of?" I asked.
"He/She." he/she told me.

"No... Impossible..."

I refused to believe that at first, but I feel so singled out. Should I really break away? Ever since then, I am the only one trying to break away from the group. Why am I even doing this?

2010-03-07T10:22:00.000+08:00

There is something I want to share with you readers out here. I chanced upon a group name on facebook, which I feel is really true. I don't really remember the exact name, but it goes something like this "Handsome guys are jerks, faithful guys are ugly."
Now, why do I say that? It's pretty obvious. If Adam wasn't handsome, will he be a jerk and let us suffer from imperfect life?
Okay, joke aside, it really isn't the guys that made us jerks. Seriously, it is rather the girls who made them jerks. Why do I say that? The reason is easy, girls flock to the handsome guys, asking for a BGR crap. This made US, guys, feel very important and thus the word 'flirt' is invented. And this is why we are jerks.
Now, regarding to the ugly guys, why do girls still want to complain about the looks? As what Kelly the Counsellor has said in Teenage Mar 2010, she said that it isn't the looks that gained true love, it is all the plain people who really enjoy a blissful life after marriage. It is also rather those beautiful people who continuously end up in divorce courts because they found out that looks itself is unable to sustain a relationship.
This is why, girls, stop complaining about us being jerks. It is all because you girls made us this way.
(I hereby apologise if the materials on this blog has offended you in anyway, I hereby seek your understanding.)

2010-03-03T22:03:00.001+08:00

Updating cause it was like years ago i last did, and tat hiu hang ask me update oso,
SO,
tomorrow art, sian sian sian.
AND
Muster Parade!!!
Second Sergeant!! w00ts~!

Unexplained feeling.

2010-02-20T11:00:00.000+08:00

What is this feeling?
Why can't I get rid of this feeling?
I don't need this feeling...
It makes my eyes all watery...
Is it a sense of guilt or sense of remorse?
Doing things without considering...

I stick to people who hurt me, but leave people who cares for me.
In the end, both of us get hurt, and my friend hates me.
I didn't want to get involved with his love life, or was it just an excuse to throw him aside?
I guess I had let him down. I got blinded by those people who hurts and is continuously hurting me. I know what to do.
I'll leave those people that hurt me. Though we are at the same class, but...
I've hurt him too much. He is one genuine friend, but I didn't know that... until... now. Or was it because he did not have Gerald and friends with him?
...
I shall, go with the flow from now on.

-Rusty

2010-02-17T19:24:00.000+08:00

Too long never update blog. Good luck. Probably the last few posts before my O levels. haiz... stress stress.

2010-02-08T20:27:00.000+08:00

- Getting new phone.
Changing from prepaid to postpaid :D
My desired plan would be,
Unlimited SMS <3
Free incoming calls <3
100mins outgoing call (is sufficient)

I should not be able to use until the bill explodes...
Hahhaahahahahaha..